How to cope with the Terrible Two’s

If you looking for one of those articles with 10 tips to stop temper tantrums (say that 10 times fast), this is not it. Through my 7 years in fatherhood, I have not found the magic formula but I have picked up a few tips along the way. If I can help even one dad deal the nightmare we call “the terrible twos” than I fulfilled my destiny in this thing we call fatherhood.

New Dads are Suckers

When my friends have babies on the way I congratulate them and welcome them in to the club. I talk about how great being a father is and how much of a joy kids are and how they will cherish every moment. Then, once I see that glimmer of hope in their eyes, I shut it down and shit gets real. I will proceed to tell horror stories of tiny humans and their appetites for the destruction of their sanity.

I explain that the terrible twos are a big lie and actually start at one year of age.
I inform them that anything sets these tiny humans off into a fury and 80-90% of the time you won’t even know why.
I emphasize that no matter what you do, you cannot make these little beings happy and trying only makes tantrums last longer.
Last but not least I warn them of how the saga continues with the treacherous 3s and beyond.

Hang in there Dad’s its not easy and you’re not alone. There are dads with TTT (Toddlers with Temper Tantrums) and while you sure has heck can’t control the weather, here are some ways you can endure the storm.

Wait out the Tantrum

We have all been there. Your kiddo has flopped on the floor probably kicking and screaming at the top of their lungs, boogers coming out of their nose, red face and crocodile tears to match. You try to give them what they are asking for and it just makes things worse. In these scenarios you may think to yourself, “Why do I even try?”

And the answer is quite simple. You shouldn’t try!!

9 times out of 10, you’re only going to make the tantrum worse. Sometimes toddlers really don’t know what they want. Just the other day my son said he wanted an apple. Like I an idiot I peeled that apple, sliced it and serve him on a silver platter, the next thing you know he is screaming at the top of his lungs because he wanted an orange. Grrrr…..

If you find yourself in these predicaments, it’s best to just endure the storm and wait out the tantrum. If your kid is healthy and in no sign of danger, there is no sense in trying to fix it. They will calm down eventually.

Things you can do while you Wait out the Tantrum

Put on your headphones and jam out to some tunes or listen to a podcast
Create a “get shit done” list during said tantrum
Work on that “get shit done” list when tantrums strike
Record the tantrum for future proof!
If all else fails run in a corner and hide

Put on Headphones and Jam Out

The record breaking tantrum in our house so far is 20 minutes!

So, unless you like the sounds of your loud, uncooperative and relentless little human, I suggest you keep a pair of wireless earbuds in your pocket and jam out.

Create and execute your Get Shit Done List

I have this sheet of paper that has a list of things to do every time my offspring goes into a rage. The list can be anything but mine looks like this:

It doesn’t matter what’s on it. I just make it a game to see how much stuff I can get done before the tantrum stops. In the words of Larry The Cable Guy – Get er’ Done!

Recording the Tantrum in Real Time

When my son just won’t calm down, I will whip out my phone and hit record for about 30 seconds. Once I have a really good clip I will play it back to my toddler and watch the reaction. Usually it will catch his attention and confuse the heck out of him.

Sometimes it will stop the tantrum in its tracks and other times it will make things worse. My guess is there is probably something physiological about a toddler watching him/herself in an emotional state. Good Luck!

Bonus Tip #1: Don’t Give In and Don’t Make Empty Threats!

I want you to engrain this in your brain. “NO MEANS NO”. If your toddler is throwing a tantrum because you flat out said NO! Do me a favor and stick to your guns. I have caved so many times to demands and lived to regret it.

For example, when you tell your kid he can’t have candy and then you cave and go back on your word, you’re doing more harm than good. You’re signaling to your child that you don’t really mean what you say and they will wise up. In their head they are thinking “Hmmmm…. Next time, daddy says I cant have candy, I am just going to scream a little louder and kick my legs harder and eventually I will get what I want which leads me to…..

Bonus Tip #2: Kids are Manipulative

Kids are intelligent and manipulative creatures and they will take advantage of your vulnerabilities in a heartbeat. They know that dads are suckers.

So stop falling victim to your mini-me and show them who’s boss. Eventually tantrums will decrease in frequency and length of time.

Bonus Tip #3: Tantrums Evolve

As previously mentioned, tantrums really start at 1 year of age so the terrible twos are a big lie. Than the Treacherous 3s hit, followed by the Furious 4s and so forth.

What was once a kicking, screaming, snot nosed toddler will evolve into a cross armed, puppy eyed, crocodile teared little person. They will find a way to break you down one way or the other so be ready to evolve with them.

What to do after the Tantrum?

After the tantrum has settled, you can gather up the courage to try and talk some sense into your precious little angel. Tell them that everything is going to be okay and they need to use their words instead of crying or throwing a fit. Explain, that being angry and upset is okay but there are different ways to deal with emotions. Rinse and Repeat.

Once the kid(s) are in bed, kick your feet up and drink a beer or two!!

Moral of the Story

Man, I love my kids and everything that comes with fatherhood. I wouldn’t trade them or their imperfections for the world, but if I could take away tantrums I wouldn’t complain.

So, stop being a sucker and wait out the tantrum. Your better than that.